His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
