just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
