Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
