Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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