Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
