OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
