it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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