i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
