His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
