Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
