this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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