I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
