I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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