Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
