You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
