thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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