why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you made out with another girl for some wings
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
