Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
