God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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