I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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