I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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