I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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