Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
