Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
