We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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