Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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