Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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