so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
