My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
