i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
