So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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