he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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