If i come over, it means nothing
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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