Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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