either way he was missing a nipple.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
