You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
