who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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