forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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