you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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