Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
