It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
