You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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