Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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