worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
