I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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