Three words: puerto rican gang bang
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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