There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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