Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
