Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
