Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
