I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
