A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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