On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
