So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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